Going to Texas for Christmas turned out to be a great choice
for us. It definitely wouldn’t be happening next year with a new baby on the
way and I needed the distraction from life. Plus Erik had the flexibility since
he was working from home full time and even though it would set us behind
financially a little bit, we weighed it to be more positive then negative. At the
time, no one knew we were pregnant. In Erik fashion we planned a photo shoot
and he took a short video. As soon as we got to the ranch we shared it with his
parents and over the course of our Texas trip the majority of his family would
find out. Since being separated from the Bush gang for the holidays, we’ve made
it tradition to skype as we open our gifts. We mailed the disc to them with “play me” and wrapped it as a gift. The Sunday before Christmas we skyped after church
since we knew that Christmas day would be crazy and Sam was off to Maine on
Christmas Eve. As soon as they opened the gift Sam and Shai asked if I was
pregnant! JUST WATCH THE VIDEO! The girls screamed with excitement and I told
you so’s and momma cried. It was sweet and fun considering the distance. Then
on Christmas Day we made it “facebook official.” Some people criticized and
said it was too early. We should wait until the end of the first trimester,
especially if something went wrong and since I was already having a few red
flags. I felt like if something did go wrong, I’d need the support for the
grief as much as the support for the excitement and so we chose to share. It’s
a personal decision and that was ours. There was so much going on that I felt
our friends deserved the whole story.
We left on December 16th and we FINALLY got home
on January 3rd. It was a long trip. It was worth it. But I was
EXHAUSTED. I could barely unpack much less make meals for my family and 90% of
the time I was asleep on the couch before the kids were. Thankfully Erik was
understanding and so supportive. At the end of our vacation, Erik received a
telephone call from a detox center about a job. He had never applied for a job
but someone that he used to work with recommended him. He took it as a sign and
went to interview with them on January 6th. He was hired part time
(his choice) on the spot and started work January 13th. It was the
first time in almost 3 years that he had worked a regular schedule outside of
the home. But we knew God was doing something and opening doors and all we
could do was pray, trust and watch it unfold. There is so much more to this
that is amazing to us but not essential to this pregnancy journey. The first
day Erik worked he left at 7am and didn’t return home until well after 9pm. I
was exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally. But we knew that it was
just temporary and an adjustment. He will be gone Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday.
He has to leave by 7:30am the latest to get to work on time. On Monday’s he
goes straight to BSF so he’s not home until after 9:00pm. On Tuesday and
Wednesday he’s home between 7:00 & 7:30pm. The boys have started waking up
at 6:30am because they want their time with papi. But just two weeks into this
and we’re slowly adjusting and finding our "new normal".
I was also able to see the doctor (finally) before he
started work on the 12th. And I got my first infusion on the 16th.
The doctor set me up with 100mg of venofer IV (iron through an IV) every 10
days. However I have to go to Westchester hospital’s ER for this. Every 10 days
means it falls sometimes when Erik works. For example, Monday should’ve been my
next one. However, I personally don't love the thought of being a healthy pregnant lady inside of a germ infested ER and have no intention of exposing the twins to that. Instead I will go tomorrow afternoon and next week I will see the doctor
again. I’m going to ask him to give me the maximum dose of 300 mg and call it
for every 7 days so I can go every Thursday or Friday while Erik is home to watch the twins. This
will also hopefully allow me to get up to where I need to be in less visits
(since each visit is a $50 co pay). I will however say that after that infusion
(first of the new year but third in total) I saw a drastic change in my energy.
I still need to nap when the boys do but I’m able to do some basic things
around the house and it’s not so daunting to take the boys out. And guess
what…. I haven’t chewed a piece of ice in a MONTH! Erik is SHOCKED! So
something is happening even if it’s not EXACTLY at the pace that we want.
In the meantime I also saw the OBGYN on the 8th
to follow up on the baby's heartbeat. It was another unpleasant experience. I
originally had my appointment on the 6th with the PA. But I called
and changed it to the 8th so I could see the actual doctor and I
SPECIFICALLY requested her. I also needed an ultrasound to check the baby's
heart beat. I had called 3 times to schedule that because it has to be
scheduled directly through the sonographer. She never called me back. I ended
up waiting in the office for an hour to be seen by her and of course I got the
huffing and puffing like I was such an inconvenience to her. She did my
ultrasound in literally 5 minutes. She found the baby, found the heartbeat and
told me we’re finished. Not sure what I expected but it was so rushed,
unpleasant and not personal. Luckily the baby's heartbeat was 187 BPM. Good, strong,
healthy heartbeat! And still, just ONE baby! I was happy, even if she was
bitter. She immediately scheduled me for my follow up ultrasound at 12 weeks
(supposed to be this Friday) saying it would be my first of three anatomy
exams. I asked if I could bring the twins just in case I didn’t have Erik and
she said there isn’t room for them and she prefers them not to be there and if
they are they cannot be a distraction or she would reschedule me and with that,
she sent me to the room to wait for the doctor. A nurse came in and asked me if
I wanted to see the dr or the PA. I told her I preferred to see the doctor
since I hadn’t met her yet. And guess what?? You better believe the PA came in.
I was so frustrated. The PA is so sweet and kind and I feel comfortable with
her but the reality is she cannot deliver my baby! But I proceeded to ask her
about VBAC support. You’ll never believe how she slammed that door. Not only
did she not let me finish my thoughts she straight up told me it wouldn’t be
considered because the doctor legally cannot leave the hospital once I go into
labor and it’s not worth it to them for the money they’ll loose to close the
practice. WOW! I thought someone knocked the wind out of me. No care or concern
for the health of myself or the baby. It’s all dollar signs. They also insisted
I get prenatal bloodwork done before I left. My primary had specifically said
not to draw blood, bring him the bloodwork and he’d do it for me with the iron
panel and send it to them. The said they’d add the iron panel into theirs and
notate what was going on. I left knowing I’d never be back in that office.
ANNNDDD 15 whole days later they called to say “Mrs. Esparza, your bloodwork
showed you have low iron, we’re calling in a supplement for you.” No thanks –
if you’d listen when I’d talk, you’d know this is already being taken care of!
The absolute icing on the cake was yesterday. I called to cancel my
appointments for Friday. I’m not sure what’s going to happen with this baby but
I know he/she will NOT be delivered by that practice. The “excuse” I gave was
that I didn’t have child care and I would have to figure out when I can get the
twins taken care of to come in and I’d call back to reschedule. The sonographer actually
told me that I care more about my boys then I care about my unborn baby, that
this exam was vital and if I didn’t receive it within the next week it would be
too late for them to do anything for me. I just hung up the phone on her. I’m not
usually that rude, but I couldn’t take her comments anymore. I told Erik I
didn’t even care if we lost the money we’d already paid to cover my prenatal
appointments; I would not go back to that office no matter what the
circumstances were. I am continuously thankful for such a supportive and
understanding husband.
Hopefully it’ll take just one more post to update you on the
research I’ve done so far and how I ended up with the office we’ll be visiting
tomorrow….
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