Pregnancy #2: Choosing Homebirth

I had already been researching midwives, homebirths, birthing centers, water births, natural births, essential oils during pregnancy and birth, and even family centered csections (just in case) before deciding to leave my OBGYN. I wanted to know what I was talking about when I talked to doctors/professionals. I told you in a previous post that my OBGYN is the sister of my PCP. My insurance requires I have a referral from my PCP to see ANYONE other than him. So when I got pregnant, of course he referred me to his sister. So I knew it would be a hard conversation to ask to see another doctor. I had done research and decided on a doctor in Broward. The main reasons were because she was VBAC friendly, she was covered under my insurance as was the hospital she delivered at and the reviews were okay enough for me. I walked into my PCP office and said “please don’t get mad at me but I need a referral to another OBGYN – I’d like to see this one.” He asked me where I lived. “Right here” I told him. So why do you want to go to Broward?!? I explained that I wanted a VBAC. He asked why I’d had a csection before. I informed him because there were two babies. No other reason. Every single thing had been planned. He said I SHOULD get a VBAC. It would be better for me to deliver vaginally then surgically for the sake of my iron and blood loss. I couldn’t believe I actually had some support. He asked if I had talked to his sister about it and I told him that truthfully, I hadn’t even met her yet and I told him what happened and what the PA said. He told me to schedule another appointment with her ONLY and talk to his sister directly about it. Even if it means I have to go to her Homestead office on a Saturday (apparently she’s the only one there?). He said he was sure she’d work it out for me and if not, he’d give me the referral. I was so pumped up! Unfortunately after my “high” wore off I started to realize that he couldn’t make those decisions for her. Even if he could, the hospital could choose to not support it. And quite frankly, I didn’t trust their care at this point. Everything told me I didn’t want to go back so why was I giving in and going to go against that intuition? Besides, that’s his sister. I guarantee he just wants to keep the money in the family…. Sorry but that’s how I felt.

So I continued my research and conversations. (last names will be left out to protect my friends). I spoke to Jen, a fellow mom and friend. She’s been a huge resource and has directed me to many great resources, most importantly to ICAN of South Florida (International Ceseran Awareness Network). While I haven’t made a meeting yet, they had a GREAT document for VBAC friendly providers and have already answered so many questions and provided me with so much information. I spoke to Katie, a friend of mine since middle school who is the mom of two and pregnant again. She gave me the information of her midwife whom had walked with her through her second pregnancy. While it still ended in a cesearn, it happened with much more peace and empowerment for her. I asked the ladies of MOPS if anyone had any experience or recommendations and Robyn, another mom of two, graciously gave me her midwife's information… the same lady as Katie! I spoke to Kristi, a friend since elementary. She had two successful homebirths and one that ended in a hospital transfer and cesearn and still intends to return for a HBAC in the future. She was a huge encouragement and has made herself available to me for any questions. She also recommended we watch “The Business of Being Born.” I spoke to moms on my twins facebook page. I got lots of pointers, suggestions, even some fear, and anxiety and just thoughts in general from moms and also from moms who have medical experience.  I was overwhelmed. And insurance was causing a HUGE roadblock. I prayed. I cried. And I asked other people to pray too.

Finally I realized something important I hadn’t done…. I hadn’t asked my husband what he wanted. So I did. Erik said he wanted me to have the birth that I wanted. He didn’t want to see me miserable and in pain. But he wanted the baby and I healthy. He said he’d be most comfortable with a natural birth in a hospital setting. So I felt I had my answer.

I registered for the free month trial of Netflix DVD delivery and ordered “The Business of Being Born.” Sunday after church we put the kids down for a nap. We sat down and popped in the DVD and had no idea what to expect. We were COMPLETELY overwhelmed. We cried. Elijah woke up from nap and we couldn’t bring ourselves to turn it off. Our three year old was ENGROSSED in babies being born. And when it was over he asked if he could meet his baby. He was so excited. We all were. Erik looked at me and said, “we’re going to have this baby at home. Find some midwives, let’s meet them and get it going. We’re going to make this work.” I emailed my ladies from church that night and told them what had happened and asked for their prayers of this decision and this journey. My friend and mom of four, Rachel responded saying I had to reach out to her friend Miriam. She told me Miriam was a friend from Zumba and she was a beautiful, Godly woman who is also a Midwife. I found her on facebook Monday and messaged her. I wasn’t 100% ready for a phone call yet. It was not long until I got a response from her that she’d be thrilled to help my family on our journey and to call her the next day. Something about telephone calls with strangers intimidates me. I’m definitely a technology lady – can we just text or email? But this is such an important decision and moment and I’m an adult. I could do it and I knew I needed to. So naptime came and my house was quite. I set myself up with a notebook and I made the call. She was so friendly. She talked me through a few things, answered a few questions. We were on the phone about 25 minutes. The longest I’d talked to anyone other than my mom in a long time. The best part is – she told me she works with a partner and I’d meet them both and if I proceeded with them, they’d most likely both be at the birth. Guess who her partner is? The same midwife that worked with Katie and Robyn! I knew it was meant to be! I had a sense of peace wash over me that I hadn’t experienced this entire pregnancy and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God was involved. She told me she works in an office setting on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s for consultation and care but she was happy to come to my house or meet in a coffee shop too if I preferred. I told her I wanted my husband present for the initial consultation and he was available this Thursday. I asked if there was any way we could make it work. She said she’d meet us at the office at 9:30am. And guys, she ENCOURAGED ME to bring the twins. She said this is a vital part of their lives and they should be involved as much or as little as we want them to be. She even told me there were some “loopholes” with insurance that we could discuss. Erik came home and I couldn’t share with him fast enough. She emailed us some paperwork that I’ve already read through twice. I have a list of questions 50 deep. Tonight we’re going to watch “More Business of Being Born” and go over the questions to be sure we’re not missing anything. I’m super excited about tomorrow. I’m not creating any expectations but I know 100% for sure that God is in this and He’s rooting for us and He wants what we want.

Whatever happens come August, we will have a sweet new baby to hold and we will know that God ordained the birth, no matter how it happens. We will know that we exhausted every option we had, to ensure our birth plan was followed and my body was allowed to do it’s job and mommy and baby are healthy. You have no idea what your support and continued prayers mean to us. I know some of you are afraid for us and this journey. I understand where you come from. But this is something that has to be intimate between the four (soon to be five) of us, our midwife and most importantly, God. We know a HBAC/VBAC is not for everyone but for today, its part of our journey and we love sharing with you and knowing that you have specific ways to pray for us. No more updates for today. I’ll share about meeting our midwife soon enough!