After the twins were born, I saw my OBGYN again for my 6 week post partum check up and that was the end of that. I no longer had insurance as I had "aged out" of my parents and no one else wanted to cover me because of my pre existing condition of my gastric bypass surgery. Unfortunately, looking back, I think I went through some really rough spells of PPD. It was tough to have my mom here and see her joy and love for her new found "grandma" title, to have all the help she provided and the bond she was creating with the boys, only to have to say good bye when they weren't even two weeks old. I clearly remember my dad asking if he needed to leave my mom behind. If you know my dad, you know that's RARE. I desperately wanted to scream YES! But I didn't know if my health truly needed her and I didn't want to be selfish. I also knew my in laws needed some time too…. after all, they were all equal grandparents. So the good-bye's commenced. Thankfully my in laws stayed for close to three more weeks. I think it was December 22 or 23 that they left to go spend Christmas in Texas. It was another rough round of good byes. We were happy to have the opportunity to see if we could do it, but it was also so weird to have such a quite house for the holidays. Totally not what I was used to. I was missing the Bush Family breakfast and the hustle and bustle of love and excitement. Eventually we found our balance and somehow I made it through my PPD without realizing until now, that's what I was experiencing. Unfortunately, no insurance meant no more check ups for me and no more following up on my iron.
Fast forward a few years later…. I finally got approved for Obamacare in 2014. In October, I made that dreaded doctor's appointment. My iron HAD to be low. The insane amounts of ice my body DEPENDED on chewing, could NOT be healthy. I walked in and they had blood drawn and told me to schedule a new appointment for a follow up. I came back and the doctor told me my hemoglobin was 8.2 apparently normal is 12 but it's not cause for concern until it's under 8. I had also been taking the wrong kind of OTC iron - which I found out myself prior to my appointment. Apparently I don't absorb certain irons because of my gastric bypass. Thanks to a Facebook support page for patients, I was able to get direction on the proper iron and luckily they carry it at Publix. So the dr recommended I take two pills a day for a month and retest my blood. That's what we did. However, our Thanksgiving travels fell in there, so I was supposed to get my blood as soon as we got back. While we were gone for Thanksgiving I remember sending a photo of myself and Ephraim to my mom and she responded saying I was "beautiful" and "glowing." A few days later, Erik took a photo of me and when I saw it on his computer I remember thinking "why do I look like I have a baby bump?" Then something hit me and off to Wal Mart I went for a home pregnancy test. The next day we came home and Erik went to BSF. While he was gone I took the test. I couldn't BELIEVE it was positive. Obviously I had to tell Erik but the next morning was my bloodwork so I figured I'd let the doctor confirm first this time. I told the doctor and he tested my for pregnancy too. Sure enough, I was pregnant. After a month of double iron pills, there was also no improvement in my hemoglobin. The dr said the good news is that it also hadn't dropped and since a baby takes 50% of our supply, he was happy with that. He also said he was pretty sure that my iron was too low to absorb anything. He said I'd need infusions to boost my iron and then hopefully the OTC pills would be able to do their job. So he gave me a prescription to go on Friday for an infusion and told me to come back Monday for more bloodwork. He also sent me to see his sister whose an OBGYN (my insurance doesn't cover the doctor who delivered the boys). Fast forward - Monday came, more bloodwork, no change. So orders for another infusion the next Friday and more bloodwork the next Monday. We were supposed to leave for Texas that Monday for Christmas. He said if my numbers go up I can go. LOTS of prayers at this point. The next day I went to the OBGYN. Not a big appointment. Too early to do anything. Didn't meet the doctor, just the PA and she prescribed prenatals, took my vitals and basically just got me in the system. Fast forward the next Monday. Second infusion done, bloodwork done, no change. I was so frustrated I could cry. This time they ran a full anemia panel and found my ferritin was 53. They want it to be 100 BEFORE you get pregnant. Dr said I shouldn't go to Texas to come back tomorrow and see his brother whose an internal medicine specialist. That's what I did. We packed for Texas and prayed something drastic would happen. I walked in Tuesday and met his brother. He was so kind and talked me through everything. He said that I would need a series of infusions to see any improvement….. close to 6 or 8. He said there was no reason I shouldn't be able to go to Texas as long as I promised to take it fairly easy and not over due it and get infusions going as soon as I returned. He also said he wanted to call his sister to be safe. He called her and she said "well how's the baby?" I said "I have no idea, it's too early to see anything." She said "send her to my office, if we can see the baby and a clear heartbeat, I'm okay with it." I drove to her office excited that we might go to Texas but wondering what she thought they'd see at 5 weeks 4 days. At the least it would confirm or deny a second set of twins! In I walked and the ultrasound tech was SO RUDE! She couldn't believe she had to do an ultrasound and swore she wouldn't see anything. I was "too early" and this was "ridiculous." But there was my baby. Small as a peanut. And I couldn't breathe. I also couldn't get over how RUDE she was! Because the boys were twins, we saw a perinatal office every 2-4 weeks and they were the kindest people ever! This lady was opposite. First she tried abdominally. Even I know you won't see anything that way as early as I was. Then she tried internally and was just mean and made it painful. She measured the heartbeat and couldn't find it. She kept trying - telling me to hold my breath and pushing hard on my stomach. She finally found it. 86 bpm. And she said "well that's not a viable baby." I could've cried. She tried again, same numbers. So off to the PA I went…. still no doctor. The PA said that it could go either way…. I could loose the baby or the baby could be fine. All we could do was pray. If I lost the baby, I'd know. I left feeling so sad and defeated. But then I did some research of my own and everything that I read and everyone that I talked to said that if we even heard a heartbeat that early, then we've got a strong baby and everything would be fine. I chose to believe that. Texas, we were on our way…..
REWIND A BIT….. After the twins celebrated their third birthday, my in laws took them back to the ranch for a few days. We had a really busy week prior to Thanksgiving travels and they wanted quality time with the boys so it was a win win. Of course with the boys gone, the conversation of when we wanted to explore the option of baby #3 came along…. through that week we officially tried once and then got nervous about growing our family and decided we'd wait just a little longer. Who knew, even the second time around, it would happen the first time! I couldn't believe when I got that positive test. I was excited and slightly overwhelmed but the first real thought I had was "I can't have this baby in an operating room again." After Erik new about the baby I said "Babe, we have to figure out how to do this naturally. It's not going to be easy, but we have to fight." And that was the beginning of our journey….
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