Pregnancy #2: Birth Story Part 2

DECIDING TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL

In the process of deciding to go to the hospital, Miriam told me we could go to Jackson South or North Shore Medical Center. I’d met with Dr. Spence during the pregnancy and I knew if Miriam couldn’t deliver Ezekiel, I wanted Dr. Spence to do so. HOWEVER, I also knew that North Shore Medical Center wasn’t that close and Miami traffic is rarely good in either direction between 5:00pm and 7:00pm. Jackson South seemed more logical to me even though I knew nothing about any doctors there and/or the hospital itself. I just could NOT fathom driving all the way to North Shore the way I felt. I honestly wasn’t sure how we’d drive ANYWHERE. However, when we were standing waiting for the elevator something made me look at Miriam and say “tell me the truth, where do I need to be?” She told me she’d feel the most comfortable at North Shore. She knew Dr. Spence well and it was a good hospital. I knew she’d been keeping Dr. Spence up to speed during my whole labor and we knew for sure he was at the hospital. “Let’s do this, take me to North Shore.

By the time we left for the hospital, I had been in labor for 24 hours. I was dilated to 9 centimeters and I was frustrated we had to go to the hospital at this point and heartbroken to leave my mom and the boys behind. Bless Elijah’s heart, I knew he’d cry. He’s so emotional and I’m sure it has to be weird to watch everything happening and then mom and dad are swiftly gone and you still haven’t seen that baby you were promised. Poor kid.

LABOR & DELIVERY

At this point, I’m in a room and praise God, he blessed me with the sweetest nurse EVER. Hereen worked for Dr. Spence but also recently had a VBAC with him. She was kind and reassuring and told me I was in the best hands. She continued to explain that Dr. Spence would give me the best chances of having a VBAC and just because I was in the hospital, my idea of vaginal birth wasn’t guaranteed to be over. I met Sara, Dr. Spence’s midwife. She came in and told me they were going to break my water to give Ezekiel more space and help him descend. She said they’d give me an hour and we’d see what happened. I also decided to go ahead and have an epidural. The back labor was so intense and if we did need a csection that part would be ready. Erik, Miriam and Melissa were in the room with me. Sara (my doula) and Stefanie were in the waiting room. Eventually Erik went and found Sara and got her in too. Technically that’s too many people but Hereen said if we didn’t cause a ruckus she’d look the other way. First they broke my water. I remember being afraid and wishing they would give me the epidural first and then break my water. It didn’t hurt persay… it was uncomfortable but the amount of pressure that released was incredible and then I felt like I peed the bed! HA! After that they changed the padding under me and then the anesthesiologist came in to administer my epidural. I was so afraid. My spinal with the twins was a nightmare and I kept voicing to him what I went through and how afraid I was. He reassured me that he wouldn’t let that happen to me. However, he was a vocal one and also told me based on what I was going through and what he was hearing I’d most likely end up with a repeat cesarean. After the epi was in, it was night and day. I didn’t even know I was in labor anymore. I talked through every contraction. I had spent the last 24 hours with super short word sentences like “WATER!” and “MY BACK!” I didn’t want to talk at all. I was in my zone and I wanted that baby out. Now it was like social hour. That’s one of the biggest things Erik remembers. Hereen told me to try and rest and they’d check on me at 10pm and then they extended it to 11pm. Poor Erik was so exhausted. He tried to find some coffee with no luck. He was sitting on the floor and couldn’t even keep his eyes open. Same with Sara. The three of us had been going strong for over 24 hours already. By 11pm when Hereen checked me, I was still 9 centimeters and Ezekiel was still stuck. I knew what that meant and she called Dr. Spence and confirmed that all the options that were safe for me had been done and it was time to go to the operating room. I cried. I remember thinking that I would never be able to birth a baby the way our bodies were meant to and the main thing I wanted to experience I had lost. I felt like I failed. I was so tired I didn’t care anymore. I wanted to keep fighting but I didn’t know how and everyone I trusted told me this was the best option for me and my boy. I wanted to scream that they just didn’t know what I’d been through and repeating that was not the best option. I couldn’t do anything but hold Erik and hug Erik and cry. When I relaxed I discussed with Hereen that I still wanted my placenta released to Sara. They agreed and I signed the forms. I also told her I wanted as much immediate contact with Ezekiel that was possible and safe and I didn’t want him to have a bath (seriously do you know how good vernix is for the baby?!?). And Miriam requested the double stitch my uterus this time. Miriam also asked to go into the operating room with us. This is RARE but because she knows Dr. Spence so well he was willing to look the other way for her. The anesthesiologist came back in. Hereen gave Miriam and Erik their clothing for the operating room and took them to another waiting area and the anesthesiologist took me to the operating room.

THE OPERATING ROOM

Being wheeled into the operating room was one of my worst nightmares. I was terrified of the surgery experience. It felt so cold and impersonal. I was deep down terrified to feel anything during the surgery and I kept telling him that. I also told him anesthesia tends to make me nauseous even though I rarely throw up.  He told me he’d make sure I didn’t feel anything and if I needed to throw up it would be okay. When he pushed more meds my whole body got cold and tingly but I knew that I was covered to not feel anything. Hereen came in the operating room too. They worked to prep me and everything needed. Dr. Spence came in and so did Erik and Miriam. I just wanted to see my baby boy. I just wanted to be on the other side of all this already. I remember the smell of burnt skin. I remember Ezekiel crying and hearing someone call “23:49” and then they cut the big blue paper that covers us from seeing the operation and they slipped my slimy, freshly born boy through the paper and put him on my chest and in my arms. 

I couldn’t really snuggle him in the position I was in but that immediate contact was made and I was happy. He knew his momma and I saw my dark haired (lots of hair compared to the twins) BIG BOY! I remember thinking “please don’t let this kid be ten pounds!” They took him from me and cleaned him up a bit and weighed him in. 9 lbs 6 oz & 20 ¼ inches long. Miriam and Erik got to see him and Erik got to hold him. 

After that, the nurse brought him back to me and latched him on!!! What an incredible and AMAZING moment. She held my baby and put him on my breast and let him feed while they closed my incision. It was beautiful! I later found out that he was born with his chord around his neck… so obviously God was in control of the road to our repeat cesarean but it didn't make it any easier for me to process and accept it.

When all was said and done, we said our good byes to Miriam and they took the baby to the nursery and Erik and I went to recovery. 

RECOVERY

In recovery I was still a little out of it but mostly just exhausted. Erik stayed with me 90% of the time but he did go say goodbye to our team.

(pictured above left to right: Melissa, Erik, Sara & Miriam - behind the camera: Stefanie)
and check on our boy. My brain wanted to over think everything. I wanted to cry. I was so happy to have my boy with us but I was so very upset that I had a surgery once again. I desperately wanted to avoid that. I know what everyone kept telling me “healthy mommy, healthy baby, that’s all that matters” was true, but I still couldn’t help by feel like I wasn’t able to have a real birth experience and I wasn’t able to offer Erik that incredible experience and I wasn’t able to offer any of my boys the benefits for them of vaginal birth. When all was said and done - I'd labored for 29 hours, dilated to 9 centimeters and still ended up with a repeat cesarean. I was just sad and disappointed. It was so hard for me to be happy, proud and grateful. I have no idea what time it was that we got into a room but it was seconds after that when I heard a crying baby coming towards us and the nurse saying “someone’s hungry mommy.” I was so nervous… I wanted to breastfeed this boy but it was so bad with the twins. Would I really be able to do this? But he latched on and fed, and went to sleep in my arms and I was just so grateful that it wasn’t a struggle. I needed a break! I felt the worst for Erik though. He was beyond exhausted and still had yet to really sleep. And he didn’t exactly have the most comfortable place to sleep in the hospital. But he never fails me. He is such an incredible partner and I can’t imagine doing life with anyone else. Every time that sweet baby cried he was up and getting him out of the bassinet for me. And every dirty diaper he changed. And every time I needed water he got it for me. The list is long for the support he provided and continues to provide for me!

UP NEXT

We’ll see the boys’ first visit to their baby as well as the rest of the hospital experience and bringing baby home!